probably a metaphor

 I decided to focus on moving home for the time being. I talked to Anand, a Thai friend of mine who is pretty pessimistic that anything will open up before 6 months to a year is over, and he said that if I can't handle being in China any longer (which I cannot), then I should focus on home, bide my time, and plan on moving as soon as shit reopens. 

That talk with Anand really took a lot of anxiety off my shoulders. To be sure, I'm still anxious, but being able to visualize myself somewhere in July is way nicer than going back and forth back and forth for days. I was waking up in the morning thinking about America, and then going to bed thinking about Thailand. 

I'm pretty sure that 7th Day Adventist missionary high school ghosted me. That's for the best. The more I imagined it, the more I hated the idea. I didn't want to go to a school and have that job on my resume, you know? That's a huge red flag for some countries, and other countries might hire me for the completely wrong reasons. And ethically, I would have felt awful about it for a year. 

Instead, I will go home, and I'll work out in the mornings, and teach online in the evenings, and take long weed walks through the hills with a uglycute bull dog crashing through the underbrush beside me. I'll take pictures of wild turkeys. I'll track possum prints in the mud and collect cicada skins.

When I'm done with my nature hike quarantine, I'll practice cooking the weird foreign foods I'll miss so much. Kimchi jigae, Szechuan cabbage, Peppers in garlic and oil, scallion pancakes. I'll join my brother's DnD table and maybe run some sessions for his crew. 

When shit opens back up and I can get my hands on a vaccine, I'll take road trips. I'll drive out to the college town to check out weird art shows with my best friends alive, I'll visit Bill in Cincinnati, Nate in Columbus, and APayne in Athens. I'll smoke with my college-aged cousins out in Maryland, and hopefully be able to descend into Mammoth Cave finally. Maybe I'll go on dates with women who have opinions and butts, and culture and language will be something envigorating for us to play around with, rather than a complicated obstacle course. 

In the meantime, I'll look for a job in South America. I'll take online Spanish classes. Lingopie looks good. 

Of course, all of this is going to happen only if Thailand doesn't miraculously swing its doors open in May.